Agitated, but still better!

I'm still working with my little 'Go really slow on the Cowden Support Protocol' experiment... and I have to say, I like it!  I'm now on a rotation of Houttuynia and Enula.  My toughest rotation every single time for the 2 years I've been doing this.  I've hit the end of the 6 month Cowden Support Protocol now (obviously!) but it continues to help me heal so I simply keep repeating the last three sets of rotations.

The thing is, you're supposed to start at 30 drops for each of these rotations.  I start at 20 or my herx is too bad.  And constant.  For days and days. So now, with my 'go really slow' (although perhaps I should call it 'go really really really slow!') philosophy, it is taking me literally weeks to get up to the 30 drops.  I'm currently on 23 drops of this rotation, and it has been 14 days.

I'm feeling the best I have been though, the most consistently 'good', since I got really sick.  It is INCREDIBLE.  For example, I went to my kid's soccer game last night and pretty gross by the end.  The end!  Not through the whole thing!!!  And it was at night!  Usually my most difficult time of day.  When I don't get out of bed anyway, much less want to leave the house.  I'm going to go to another one tomorrow.  I'm looking forward to it instead of feeling scared.

This is why I'm not blogging as much.  I feel better enough that I am actually sort of, kind of, living my life. It makes me so happy.

I was hoping to go back to work part-time this summer and it's not going to happen.  I'm not that much better.  I still can't get through a whole day, at home, staying up and about with no resting or little rough patches. But I might easily be truly okay for part-time work in 6 months to a year.  As of this July, I'll have been sick for 4 years with lyme.  So,  you can imagine my excitement.

I've noticed that I'm really agitated on this rotation.  (Although still very good at the same time if that makes any sense!) Almost like I want to mini hyperventilate as I feel so much overwhelm.  Up until yesterday, I thought it was just me being a silly, out of control me.  Maybe if I could meditate more, do some better deep breathing, relax more on my walks... I would feel more relaxed and normal.  I went to bed exhausted after lunch and ready for my nap but couldn't sleep.  That rarely happens these days. 

Finally realized it's the meds.  And that helped immensely!  Instead of fighting the agitation I could embrace it.  It's not that "I'm not coping well enough", just that this is one of the side effects of this particular antimicrobial on me.  That's okay.  I'll just relax through it, embrace some reading or staring out the window while I'm in bed instead of napping.

Relief, letting that go.