Things have been crazy again... and I am not keeping up with this blog. I didn't foresee this last scare happening, but then I look at my last post about my sweet hubbie and his caregiving role and think, 'How could I have NOT foreseen it?!?'.
Oh yeah, maybe the brain fog and feeling sick all the time and just how ridiculously hard it is simply getting the family through each and every single day in one piece. That could be why I didn't foresee it. Maybe.
Two fridays ago, I had to call 911 as DH thought he was having a heart attack. Massive pain, sweating, nausea, numbness in his arms... the whole experience. It was intense and scary. My adrenalin levels didn't fall for a good 12 hours afterwards. And I have to say I'm usually really really solid in such situations. (Of course I am! Of course DH is too!). Anyhoo, to make a long story short, we had the paramedics come (they were great - always love the paramedics!!), then they took him to the hospital for tests... and... tada - no heart attack - hooray!
Turns out it was an anxiety attack from stress.
The paramedics asked him if he was under stress, the hospital did too. His doctor, in this follow-up appointment, asked if he was under stress. It comes across as such a ludicrous question to someone in our situation. How does one even begin to answer that question when it's been literally years of non-stop spirit-breaking complete-exhaustion-inducing stress? Caretaker for a partner with chronic lyme? Essentially a single dad, with mom hanging around sick ALL the time. Serious money worries. Ridiculous concern as to what the future holds. Even just the basic 'nothing 'fun' to look forward to'. Ever. Can't travel as too sick. Can't go on vacation because of no money. A staycation would be great, and it's what we do, but I can't actually DO much of anything on one. And the kids get grumpy and he gets the brunt of it all. Always.
So I think he looked at the floor and said 'yes, I am under some stress'.
Geesh.
When will it stop? It could be years. It could be forever like this. We don't know. We can't know.
We're doing what we can to improve things for him. Making sure he gets sleep and he starts to exercise again. We can do this. Small stuff.
I hope it's enough.
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