After publishing that last post 5 minutes ago about how well I am doing, I just scanned back over the blog and realized I started my current Cumanda/Mora rotation mid-Sept. And today, as I type, I'm still on that same rotation and only up to 25 drops. I started on 20.
So I'm going slow. Terribly SLOW. I hope that is okay. I hope it's not making me feel artificially 'good' when really I should be increasing my drops faster. But when I do, I herx a tonne. And as I just mentioned in that last post, my head feels like crap even at this rate. Sigh.
Hmmm. I don't know. I think I need to switch out to my next Cowden rotation in the next few days. 6 weeks seems like a long time to be on a single rotation - especially now that I'm on these maintenance rotations.
I will ask my doctor, but I don't think she knows either. Trial and error. Just not keen on the error part - this is a long journey without it!
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Doing well!
This is the type of post I have read by other lyme bloggers over the course of my illness that I thought I would never perhaps be so lucky to write. Well, it isn't exactly that post, but it's not so terribly far off to be depressing. ;)
I'm doing well! I say it's not "exactly that post" as I can't yet make big claims like 'I'm 90% healed!'. I still cross fingers and aspire to that day. But right now, I'm healed enough that I am more of a participant in life than not. The balance has swung so that I'm out of bed and living more than exhausted and in bed and wondering when I'll ever get out again.
I'm no longer out of my mind with boredom from days on end with little but the monotony of pain and fatigue to keep me company. I'm not nearly as grumpy because my head and body aren't screaming at me in that just-below-the-surface agony 24/7. They hurt, but not that bad.
It is so amazing. I have to say I feel like I have a renewed love of life. This state of being makes me not want to think about lyme much. And then I wonder...
Is it a mistake not to think about lyme much when I still have so far to go? What percentage 'healed' am I? How 'healed' do you need to be before you stop thinking about lyme so much? How do you even start to calculate where you are at anyhow??? Does anyone many years into this journey even have a clue as to what feeling 'normal person good' really feels like?
My last post, I wrote about how I had just seen a psychic for the first time. Well, oddly enough, I then had the opportunity to speak with another woman a week later who had medical intuition abilities. At one point, she 'felt' inside my head and exclaimed that it was awful, the feeling in my head made her want to vomit. I thought about it and realized yes, the feeling in my head kind of made me want to vomit too... but I mostly ignore it so I don't really notice. It's more that I think to myself 'Erg... maybe I should sit or lie down for a bit until it subsides a little'.
All that to say, I don't think I have any chance at making an anywhere near accurate guess as to what percentage my healing is at. However, if I HAD to say for the sake of this post... well, I'd probably say I'm at 70% better or so.
I'm happy. I'm making supper some days. I'm driving my kids to swimming lessons once a week! (10 min drive, but still!). I often will do something every single day of the week taking maybe one or two days mostly in bed to recover. I still nap every afternoon. I still feel really bad at various points during my regular days. But I'm living - I'm living and I absolutely love it!!!!
I'm doing well! I say it's not "exactly that post" as I can't yet make big claims like 'I'm 90% healed!'. I still cross fingers and aspire to that day. But right now, I'm healed enough that I am more of a participant in life than not. The balance has swung so that I'm out of bed and living more than exhausted and in bed and wondering when I'll ever get out again.
I'm no longer out of my mind with boredom from days on end with little but the monotony of pain and fatigue to keep me company. I'm not nearly as grumpy because my head and body aren't screaming at me in that just-below-the-surface agony 24/7. They hurt, but not that bad.
It is so amazing. I have to say I feel like I have a renewed love of life. This state of being makes me not want to think about lyme much. And then I wonder...
Is it a mistake not to think about lyme much when I still have so far to go? What percentage 'healed' am I? How 'healed' do you need to be before you stop thinking about lyme so much? How do you even start to calculate where you are at anyhow??? Does anyone many years into this journey even have a clue as to what feeling 'normal person good' really feels like?
My last post, I wrote about how I had just seen a psychic for the first time. Well, oddly enough, I then had the opportunity to speak with another woman a week later who had medical intuition abilities. At one point, she 'felt' inside my head and exclaimed that it was awful, the feeling in my head made her want to vomit. I thought about it and realized yes, the feeling in my head kind of made me want to vomit too... but I mostly ignore it so I don't really notice. It's more that I think to myself 'Erg... maybe I should sit or lie down for a bit until it subsides a little'.
All that to say, I don't think I have any chance at making an anywhere near accurate guess as to what percentage my healing is at. However, if I HAD to say for the sake of this post... well, I'd probably say I'm at 70% better or so.
I'm happy. I'm making supper some days. I'm driving my kids to swimming lessons once a week! (10 min drive, but still!). I often will do something every single day of the week taking maybe one or two days mostly in bed to recover. I still nap every afternoon. I still feel really bad at various points during my regular days. But I'm living - I'm living and I absolutely love it!!!!
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Spiritual lessons in lyme
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't wish chronic lyme on my worst enemy. However, this blog is about gratitude... and I have to say I spend a lot of time contemplating the spiritual gifts or lessons that chronic lyme offers us.
There is little chance I would have learned so much and so quickly in the last 4 years of my life had it continued on its merry way ...without the big lyme crisis blowing everything apart. I had a good, but full, busy, and quite stressful life - sort of the norm for us North American moms. I had very young children, a full-time highly demanding job. A home, marriage, social life, pets to take care of too. I was learning stuff. Dealing with some chaos. But nothing like what came afterwards. ;)
I came across this fabulous post by Laura Bruno a couple of years ago and find it fascinating to this day. She is a medical intuitive with both friends and a husband with chronic lyme. She says "Lyme seems to show up like a roto-rooter, forcing people to dig deep and remove ALL blocks to creativity and healing. To the outside world, these people usually look like they have no blocks because they’re moving so effectively through life, but Life has other plans. It’s as though these people came in with a bigger mission than their current lifestyle or world view allows."
I don't know what you think - but for myself - this fits.
Note: I'm not psychic myself in the traditional sense - more of a clairsentient. Which took me years to discover and was a huge relief when I finally realized it consciously.
Anyhow, I have had two readings this year. One at the beginning of the year - a New Year's tarot card reading. And then, just last weekend, I went to a psychic for a quick 15 minute reading. I've never gone for a psychic reading before. An intuitive friend of mine felt compelled to go and to bring me along - so, in the spirit of my go-with-the-flow and whatever-the-day brings philosophy, I went.
My New Year's reading was fine. I was a little scared as I have had tarot readings that predicted things wouldn't go well in the past - and they didn't. They really really didn't! But this time, it was good. And the actual topic of my health did NOT come up. At all. Weird. A relief. The conclusion made at the time was that my health is a non-issue in my life. Which is confusing as hell on the one hand - as the state of my health is dictating how much I can parent, how little I socialize, how I can't work, the hours I spend each and every day taking meds, supplements, prepping and cooking the right foods, napping, etc! But it makes sense on the other. I'm on my path... lyme or no lyme... on I go with life. Which has been, for the most part!, what I have been striving for. Not to be defined by lyme. But just to live my life. And take heed of various limitations as I need to. Just as you would if say you had a bum knee.
And then in my psychic reading, guess what... my health didn't come up either. And maybe the guy just wasn't very good right? Not so psychic? Well, he nailed a lot actually... and I didn't give him anything to go on... in words anyhow. No questions, no talk about my situation, my family. Nothing. I just stayed quiet for most of it. Nodding here and there. He was spot on for a lot for my friend's reading too.
For me, he didn't end up making a lot of predictions though... instead he spent the first half of our session exclaiming a bit over my energy. (And it was only a 15 min session!). He had met only a handful of people like me. In 25 years of doing readings. Was amazed at how much I want to learn. Last life to this life, within this life thus far. Awakenings I've already had. Interesting. And whether true or not true - I do wonder if it all goes back to lyme offering up some pretty cool opportunities for those of us pushing to learn a lot in our lives this go round on earth. (If you happen to be the believe-in-reincarnation type).
So maybe there really is a silver lining. Well, I know there is. I did have a decent perspective on life before the lyme experience. But with it, I've grown a lot and gone so much deeper. My true values become clearer with each passing month. I'm redefining how I want to live my life. Pretty cool.
There is little chance I would have learned so much and so quickly in the last 4 years of my life had it continued on its merry way ...without the big lyme crisis blowing everything apart. I had a good, but full, busy, and quite stressful life - sort of the norm for us North American moms. I had very young children, a full-time highly demanding job. A home, marriage, social life, pets to take care of too. I was learning stuff. Dealing with some chaos. But nothing like what came afterwards. ;)
I came across this fabulous post by Laura Bruno a couple of years ago and find it fascinating to this day. She is a medical intuitive with both friends and a husband with chronic lyme. She says "Lyme seems to show up like a roto-rooter, forcing people to dig deep and remove ALL blocks to creativity and healing. To the outside world, these people usually look like they have no blocks because they’re moving so effectively through life, but Life has other plans. It’s as though these people came in with a bigger mission than their current lifestyle or world view allows."
I don't know what you think - but for myself - this fits.
Note: I'm not psychic myself in the traditional sense - more of a clairsentient. Which took me years to discover and was a huge relief when I finally realized it consciously.
Anyhow, I have had two readings this year. One at the beginning of the year - a New Year's tarot card reading. And then, just last weekend, I went to a psychic for a quick 15 minute reading. I've never gone for a psychic reading before. An intuitive friend of mine felt compelled to go and to bring me along - so, in the spirit of my go-with-the-flow and whatever-the-day brings philosophy, I went.
My New Year's reading was fine. I was a little scared as I have had tarot readings that predicted things wouldn't go well in the past - and they didn't. They really really didn't! But this time, it was good. And the actual topic of my health did NOT come up. At all. Weird. A relief. The conclusion made at the time was that my health is a non-issue in my life. Which is confusing as hell on the one hand - as the state of my health is dictating how much I can parent, how little I socialize, how I can't work, the hours I spend each and every day taking meds, supplements, prepping and cooking the right foods, napping, etc! But it makes sense on the other. I'm on my path... lyme or no lyme... on I go with life. Which has been, for the most part!, what I have been striving for. Not to be defined by lyme. But just to live my life. And take heed of various limitations as I need to. Just as you would if say you had a bum knee.
And then in my psychic reading, guess what... my health didn't come up either. And maybe the guy just wasn't very good right? Not so psychic? Well, he nailed a lot actually... and I didn't give him anything to go on... in words anyhow. No questions, no talk about my situation, my family. Nothing. I just stayed quiet for most of it. Nodding here and there. He was spot on for a lot for my friend's reading too.
For me, he didn't end up making a lot of predictions though... instead he spent the first half of our session exclaiming a bit over my energy. (And it was only a 15 min session!). He had met only a handful of people like me. In 25 years of doing readings. Was amazed at how much I want to learn. Last life to this life, within this life thus far. Awakenings I've already had. Interesting. And whether true or not true - I do wonder if it all goes back to lyme offering up some pretty cool opportunities for those of us pushing to learn a lot in our lives this go round on earth. (If you happen to be the believe-in-reincarnation type).
So maybe there really is a silver lining. Well, I know there is. I did have a decent perspective on life before the lyme experience. But with it, I've grown a lot and gone so much deeper. My true values become clearer with each passing month. I'm redefining how I want to live my life. Pretty cool.
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