So glad to be back

It's been a month since I last posted! :(

This is not what I was planning when I began this blog. I want to write regularly. But I guess that's what can happen when you've got chronic lyme and you're at home for the summer with your kids out of school.  And then hubbie was off for 2+ weeks in the middle of August.  So a whole lot of chaos going on and me using every ounce of energy towards trying to enjoy the family time.  Or simply just trying to hold it together.

So how was it, you wonder?  I was expecting our family staycation to be fantastic, relatively-speaking, this year.  I was going to be on my best Cowden rotation - the one I have been on the longest, and herx the least with.  Samento and Banderol.  The rotation I consistently have been feeling a bit better on the last few times.

But, it didn't work.  I was pretty sick.  Lyme sick.  And I was so confused about why!  And super duper frustrated because I have been sick for 4 years now and I was really looking forward to a family vacation I didn't spend primarily in bed.  Is it not time, yet??  Come on!!

Shows how much I have learned to let go and take things in stride, doesn't it.  Not, apparently. HA!  Actually, I do think I am a lot better than I used to be with letting go and just enjoying what the day does or doesn't bring me.  But I guess I still have way too much of the 'human' in me that also gets excited and dreams and looks forward to certain things in her head.  And then reacts in anger and despair when it doesn't happen ... like a toddler having a tantrum.

All that said, we still managed to have a really nice few weeks.  Hubbie and the kiddos did the more active staycation activities on the days I was the worst - water park, hiking around a farm, that kind of thing - and I stayed in bed to rest.  I went with them to go carting - it was just an hour and a half outing - and I got to take pictures and enjoy them all zooming around the track.  I went to the beach with them.  And sat on the sand and waded a little as they swam.  It was summer.  It was hot.  It was hanging out and relaxing. I adore all these things.  I just had to let go of the illusions I was holding about the definition of what our family vacation would mean for me this year.  I knew it would involve little participation - but I still thought it would be a lot more than what I ended up managing.  

So now it's half way through the first week of school for my kids.  And what an amazing difference from the summer!  At the time, it didn't seem like it was that hard to have the kids home.  They are so sweet and self-sufficient and easy for me (for the most part!) - they know how much I struggle and they cut me slack as much as they can.  But it is still so much more restful when they are out of the house, safely at school, not my immediate responsibility - and I know they are learning and having fun with their friends. Not stuck inside bored because Mom can't get out of bed to supervise them outside.

Looking back, I think this is why I got so sick in August.  Despite how diligently I tried to care for myself - taking my meds, supplements, naps, bedtime, etc seriously - it still threw me off balance having the kids home.

Let's see how September goes!