Happy Halloween :)

I've switched to my Houttunyia/Enula rotation and it is kicking my butt a bit.  On just 20 drops.  But this is always my roughest rotation so I'm not shocked. Feels like I'm on Benadryl and Red Bull at the same time.  Exhausted but strung out. Feeling drunk in my head when I attempt to converse with anyone. Oh well. So be it.

Nevertheless, I've been on this rotation a few days now and it's getting a little less intense.  Managed a good nap yesterday and a wee one today (unlike the days/nights before - exhausted but pounding heart/wired feeling).  And then yesterday, on Halloween, I made dinner and was also able to totally enjoy handing out candy to all the trick-or-treaters.  Chatted with parents, stood outside and watched the wonder of the night... beautiful, normal-people kind of stuff.

Two hours of trick-or-treaters at the door later, dear hubby and youngest daughter got home lugging a boatload of candy.  This child had never lasted so long in previous years - so she was pretty proud and pretty pumped.  The three of us took some time to catch up on each others' nights and then I ventured out for a little walk.  Time to enjoy all the decorations and cool jack-o-lantern carvings myself!

I strolled slowly around our block, appreciating the Halloween enthusiasm clearly expressed in the neighbourhood, and even had a good chat with a woman I hadn't seen in a few months along the way.

Shortly after I arrived home, my eldest was dropped off - she had been trick-or-treating with her friends in another neighbourhood.  So the mom and I caught up a bit, standing on the front porch in the beautiful night.  It was close to 9pm at this point - and I was still standing!

All in all, I didn't get to bed til around 10:30 and then was too wired to sleep - a combo of everything that went on, but mostly the potent houttunyia!  I finally was able to fall asleep around midnight.

I was tired this morning, but okay.  Really okay.

I like this soooooo much! My hope is high these days!  I may not be out of the woods, but I don't feel like I'm hopelessly lost in the scariest, darkest bits of it any longer.  Lyme can still frighten the pants off me if I think about it enough, but I'm focusing way too much on living to care right now.

Taking some recovery days

Here it is Wednesday and I still can't seem to recover from having out of town guests last weekend. My body is wanting rest. A tonne of it. I'm grateful that this week is a quiet week and I can give in to a lot of resting. But my poor mind feels like it is going crazy with all this exhaustion. I'm used to a fair bit of fatigue of course, (and I'm sure that is putting it mildly as I tend to minimize it all in my head as a coping strategy) but I guess I've also gotten used to having a bit of routine whereby I'm not in bed quite this much or fighting my body to be out of bed quite this much.

All an amazing indication of the healing that has gone on these past two years. :)

The solution of course is well known to me at this point in my healing journey. I need to listen to my body and give it what it needs as best I can. And listen to my emotions too. Honour my frustration and honour the grief. Honour the anger. I can, and am, doing all of this. Letting it flow.

Yet I still feel like I am going crazy!!! So this too, I honour as best I can.

So, is it worth it to have company stay? I honestly think, at this point, that I'll need to limit it in the future. I did a lot of prep before our guests arrived, I rested a lot while they were here. I stayed up too late in the evenings chatting though because it was fun. And I probably cooked and cleaned up a little bit too much while they were here. I need to learn to ask for more help. Next time I think it might be wisest to limit an overnight visit to one night too.

Lyme is really hard. I still want to be able to have guests and visits but I need to balance this with honouring my limits. And not feeling guilty about it.